Bridging The Divide: Healing the self; healing America
By Dr. Lisa M. Templeton, Ph.D.
I have thought deeply about the best way to approach a discussion on bridging the divide in our America. Given the political and social events occurring in the past several months, there is definitely a rift, but is there really a divide? In making sense of all this myself, I look to my own mind, where everything all begins and shapes my own perception. Gandhi said that we must “be the change that we want to see in the world” but what exactly does that even mean? What do we want to see in the world? My guess is that we all would like to see more peace in the world and for there to be love and joy in our hearts and safety in our minds.
Perception of separation
Having been a psychologist for many years, I am honored to have been trusted into the minds of many brave individuals sharing their stories, facing deeper aspects of themselves and asking for help. Throughout my exploration of minds, I find that most minds are similar to each other and to my own in that each mind generally creates an “other” or a separation of sorts. As long as there is a perception of difference, of a separation or other, we will be in division with ourselves, which ultimately reflects division in the world around us. We need more trust and compassion of varying perspectives so we can see that this perception of separation is not true. What is really happening is that we want to believe that all bad exists outside of ourselves, when in fact, a dark shadow exists inside us all.
The Light and The Dark Within
Each of us has a dark aspect to ourselves. Sometimes it manifests as an inner bully criticizing or pushing harshly for motivation. Other times, this dark aspect could manifest as obsessive thoughts, negativity, greed or addiction or a need for control. The bully might be a total dominator of your mind or just a tiny gnat that comes in suddenly and is bothersome. There are varying degrees of darkness in us all. It all depends on what you feed your soul with – love or hate/fear.
No one is without dark, but conversely no one exists without light. We are all made of light and we would not be who we are without both dark and light aspects of ourselves. In fact, we would not even know light if not for our darkness at times. How would we know joy if there wasn’t sadness? Some people are showing more of their dark at times, but that can change in an instant with love. We have got to have faith in each other and knowledge of our power to tame our darkness, not project it out onto others. Trust with caution, not abandon. Love is the force that shines out the hate, bigotry and inequality.
Own Your Dark Side and Have Compassion
It is difficult for us to admit we have any dark within, but when we own it, we can find much compassion for ourselves. When we find compassion for ourselves, we can discover it for a variety of people who are vastly different than us and might have views that we just don’t understand the context of which they are formed. We must find a way to agree to disagree. We are all raised in this society that continues to perpetuate dividing lines, but we don’t have to buy into this division and thought process that the other side is bad. Both sides have equal light! When we reach across the lines, we celebrate the unique light and dark of us all. If we pretend that the dark is really not inside of us, but only in others separated from ourselves, we will continue to be divided.
I’ve heard people say that we need to fight or battle against the other side. Yet peace is not created in conflict. The only way to build a bridge is with love. In fact, the bridge is already built and love just changes our perception to see it. Love prevails every time. It is what we all want, no matter what “side” you are on. As humans, we all want love, to be understood, to feel comradery with others. Still, it is difficult to love someone who spreads hate, or to give love to a person who does not seem to understand the importance of our mother earth and our ethnic, sexual, and gender differences. Conversely, it can be hard to extend love to those who don’t seem to be speaking for the unborn babies or value the right to bear arms. For this bridge, we need incredible compassion for each other.
Creating Compassion
Every single one of us was once a child, vulnerable and unaware of how to think, how to cope and how to live in the world. We look to our parents for help, just as our parents did to their parents and so on. If our parents tell us that there are some people in our country who don’t deserve love, we learn this and take it in to our beliefs. If our parents tell us that it is wrong to judge others based on their skin color or gender, we take it on as our own thought. We don’t just learn from our parents, we learn from our society, media sources, and various cultures.
Much of what we all believe is what we have been told to believe, even if there are contradictions. People have a tendency to put aside contradictions that don’t match their already in place beliefs. Humans have a much easier time believing something than unbelieving it. There are some of us who have the privilege and ability to question these beliefs and seek out more clarity through education and other connections. In doing so, we learn and understand more of what people of all differences are going through and their experiences in living with their own difference. With more understanding comes more compassion.
What if you looked at the person on the other side of the divide and saw their inner small child who doesn’t know any different? This child who was raised to believe things that are, at times, in contrast to love. For some reason, for most of us, it is easier to not judge a child and to see his/her need for love and understanding. We really all have a child within us that is screaming for love and compassion. A child that is craving attention, affection and acknowledgement. Find compassion for each person and give them what you want to be given to you.
Start Within
We must begin with ourselves. Can you have compassion for the irrational, anxious, impatient, resistant, shy, boisterous child within you? Is the dialogue in your mind one that you would feel comfortable speaking to a child? If not, there may be some aspect of a divide within you. If so, how is this affecting you and those living around you? How is your dark extinguishing your light? It hurts to be spoken to disrespectfully or with condescension. Consider how your dark side is affecting you and empower yourself to change it so your light can shine brighter.
The next time you notice your inner bully come up, meet it with understanding. The next time you feel resistance, feel it without reacting. Bring more compassion to yourself and the difficult aspects within others. Speak gently to yourself and everyone you meet. Notice your tone of voice within and outwardly. Own it and know you have the power to change whatever you don’t find peaceful. As you cultivate peace within, you cultivate peace all around you. What would happen if we all did this? The bridge would be much more visible.
Giving yourself love and compassion will not take away your motivation or make you soft. It will only uplift you and aid you in uplifting others, regardless of their beliefs and differences. Perhaps if we did this, we might be able to see each side with more objectivity, vulnerability, clarity and understanding. Don’t we all want a more peaceful world? Don’t we all want more love in our lives? Yes we do, we all just have a different understanding of what love is. Some see love as money or things such as boats, nice homes, guns, purses, etc. Others see love as exercise or hiking outdoors in pristine nature. We all have choices and the freedom to be who we want and love what we want. Let’s all stand up for each other in freedom, love and equality.
Identify aspects of light within yourself. Cherish and honor this light. Look for this light in all others, no matter race, ethnicity, political party, choice for president, gender, sexual orientation or general personality. Practice this because it doesn’t come easily to see the light in all, but once you are on the path of doing so, it is laid out for you with love. We may not understand the other side’s views, in fact, they may seem totally irrational, but we can look to the child within and find some compassion for their mindset.
Consider all the ways we all have been conditioned and the context of various families and cultures in the United States. That person you are judging was once a child told what to believe. They are as innocent as you are. In fact, they are you, just in a totally different story working to balance their own dark and light. We are all one – one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
By Dr. Lisa M. Templeton, Ph.D.
I have thought deeply about the best way to approach a discussion on bridging the divide in our America. Given the political and social events occurring in the past several months, there is definitely a rift, but is there really a divide? In making sense of all this myself, I look to my own mind, where everything all begins and shapes my own perception. Gandhi said that we must “be the change that we want to see in the world” but what exactly does that even mean? What do we want to see in the world? My guess is that we all would like to see more peace in the world and for there to be love and joy in our hearts and safety in our minds.
Perception of separation
Having been a psychologist for many years, I am honored to have been trusted into the minds of many brave individuals sharing their stories, facing deeper aspects of themselves and asking for help. Throughout my exploration of minds, I find that most minds are similar to each other and to my own in that each mind generally creates an “other” or a separation of sorts. As long as there is a perception of difference, of a separation or other, we will be in division with ourselves, which ultimately reflects division in the world around us. We need more trust and compassion of varying perspectives so we can see that this perception of separation is not true. What is really happening is that we want to believe that all bad exists outside of ourselves, when in fact, a dark shadow exists inside us all.
The Light and The Dark Within
Each of us has a dark aspect to ourselves. Sometimes it manifests as an inner bully criticizing or pushing harshly for motivation. Other times, this dark aspect could manifest as obsessive thoughts, negativity, greed or addiction or a need for control. The bully might be a total dominator of your mind or just a tiny gnat that comes in suddenly and is bothersome. There are varying degrees of darkness in us all. It all depends on what you feed your soul with – love or hate/fear.
No one is without dark, but conversely no one exists without light. We are all made of light and we would not be who we are without both dark and light aspects of ourselves. In fact, we would not even know light if not for our darkness at times. How would we know joy if there wasn’t sadness? Some people are showing more of their dark at times, but that can change in an instant with love. We have got to have faith in each other and knowledge of our power to tame our darkness, not project it out onto others. Trust with caution, not abandon. Love is the force that shines out the hate, bigotry and inequality.
Own Your Dark Side and Have Compassion
It is difficult for us to admit we have any dark within, but when we own it, we can find much compassion for ourselves. When we find compassion for ourselves, we can discover it for a variety of people who are vastly different than us and might have views that we just don’t understand the context of which they are formed. We must find a way to agree to disagree. We are all raised in this society that continues to perpetuate dividing lines, but we don’t have to buy into this division and thought process that the other side is bad. Both sides have equal light! When we reach across the lines, we celebrate the unique light and dark of us all. If we pretend that the dark is really not inside of us, but only in others separated from ourselves, we will continue to be divided.
I’ve heard people say that we need to fight or battle against the other side. Yet peace is not created in conflict. The only way to build a bridge is with love. In fact, the bridge is already built and love just changes our perception to see it. Love prevails every time. It is what we all want, no matter what “side” you are on. As humans, we all want love, to be understood, to feel comradery with others. Still, it is difficult to love someone who spreads hate, or to give love to a person who does not seem to understand the importance of our mother earth and our ethnic, sexual, and gender differences. Conversely, it can be hard to extend love to those who don’t seem to be speaking for the unborn babies or value the right to bear arms. For this bridge, we need incredible compassion for each other.
Creating Compassion
Every single one of us was once a child, vulnerable and unaware of how to think, how to cope and how to live in the world. We look to our parents for help, just as our parents did to their parents and so on. If our parents tell us that there are some people in our country who don’t deserve love, we learn this and take it in to our beliefs. If our parents tell us that it is wrong to judge others based on their skin color or gender, we take it on as our own thought. We don’t just learn from our parents, we learn from our society, media sources, and various cultures.
Much of what we all believe is what we have been told to believe, even if there are contradictions. People have a tendency to put aside contradictions that don’t match their already in place beliefs. Humans have a much easier time believing something than unbelieving it. There are some of us who have the privilege and ability to question these beliefs and seek out more clarity through education and other connections. In doing so, we learn and understand more of what people of all differences are going through and their experiences in living with their own difference. With more understanding comes more compassion.
What if you looked at the person on the other side of the divide and saw their inner small child who doesn’t know any different? This child who was raised to believe things that are, at times, in contrast to love. For some reason, for most of us, it is easier to not judge a child and to see his/her need for love and understanding. We really all have a child within us that is screaming for love and compassion. A child that is craving attention, affection and acknowledgement. Find compassion for each person and give them what you want to be given to you.
Start Within
We must begin with ourselves. Can you have compassion for the irrational, anxious, impatient, resistant, shy, boisterous child within you? Is the dialogue in your mind one that you would feel comfortable speaking to a child? If not, there may be some aspect of a divide within you. If so, how is this affecting you and those living around you? How is your dark extinguishing your light? It hurts to be spoken to disrespectfully or with condescension. Consider how your dark side is affecting you and empower yourself to change it so your light can shine brighter.
The next time you notice your inner bully come up, meet it with understanding. The next time you feel resistance, feel it without reacting. Bring more compassion to yourself and the difficult aspects within others. Speak gently to yourself and everyone you meet. Notice your tone of voice within and outwardly. Own it and know you have the power to change whatever you don’t find peaceful. As you cultivate peace within, you cultivate peace all around you. What would happen if we all did this? The bridge would be much more visible.
Giving yourself love and compassion will not take away your motivation or make you soft. It will only uplift you and aid you in uplifting others, regardless of their beliefs and differences. Perhaps if we did this, we might be able to see each side with more objectivity, vulnerability, clarity and understanding. Don’t we all want a more peaceful world? Don’t we all want more love in our lives? Yes we do, we all just have a different understanding of what love is. Some see love as money or things such as boats, nice homes, guns, purses, etc. Others see love as exercise or hiking outdoors in pristine nature. We all have choices and the freedom to be who we want and love what we want. Let’s all stand up for each other in freedom, love and equality.
Identify aspects of light within yourself. Cherish and honor this light. Look for this light in all others, no matter race, ethnicity, political party, choice for president, gender, sexual orientation or general personality. Practice this because it doesn’t come easily to see the light in all, but once you are on the path of doing so, it is laid out for you with love. We may not understand the other side’s views, in fact, they may seem totally irrational, but we can look to the child within and find some compassion for their mindset.
Consider all the ways we all have been conditioned and the context of various families and cultures in the United States. That person you are judging was once a child told what to believe. They are as innocent as you are. In fact, they are you, just in a totally different story working to balance their own dark and light. We are all one – one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.